Sometimes I feel like I am just a sponge to those I know, absorbing and soaking in their complaints and grumbles, their sorrows, their tears. Sometimes I feel like I am just a punching bag to those who want to vent their frustrations and anger on.
Maybe I am just a shoulder for those who want something to lean on...to cry on... or maybe I am a good listener. 98% of the time I am just that. But there are forlorn times when I just want to be the "taker" instead of the "giver", altruistically speaking. The remaining 2% of the time I just want to be left alone. I don't want to give any attention nor seek any attention at all.
I have a friend whom I am not that close to, within 5 minutes when we met, she was pouncing on me and promoting her MLM products without even bothering to catch up on old times. Another friend, whose business has failed, looked me up continously for a few months to pour out her grievances. Each time we met, she would be full of complaints and bitterness. When it got better for her, she was MIA for a long time, either enjoying travelling or making new friends. Another friend, whose marriage is on the rocks, just wanted to cry and sulk about her husband. When they finally patched up, it's no news from her for a year. When yet another friend was facing job woes, she called me up almost everyday talking about her future, her job possibilities. When she got a fantastic job offer, no more phone calls from her. Yet another friend, when she was out of a job for a year, I would mostly pay for her food when we go out, but when she did finally found a job, not even a treat from her. Didn't even say thank you. Then I have another friend who "accidentally" sent me her email to a Venerable saying she wanted to renounce and wanted to be ordained by the Venerable. I do not know whether she really sent me the email mistakenly or??
I actually don't mind being just a listener to friends most of the time, and I really do not expect anything in return. However, sometimes I do feel tired. Sometimes I just need to be alone. Whenever I do wish to be left alone, please do leave me alone. I am just an ordinary being. I can only absorb that much crap. Nothing more.