Sunday, 19 October 2008

Rediscovering the passion

For the past 6 months, it was an eye opener for me, in terms of adjusting to a totally different job as well as meeting different people. Also it was a period where I had to re-evaluate my plans for the future as well as my relationships with friends and acquaintances.

I would like to think after the past 6 months, as I sat down to ponder, I know I have experienced many ups and downs, probably more than what I had encountered in my entire life. Some dreams were shattered, friendships lost, got to know some acquaintances who turned out to have betrayed me, while other prospects were not as rosy as it was promised. I too gave up a friendship which has caused me extreme pain and disbelief. I found there were many misunderstandings with people which are unfounded. I found myself to have greater courage to walk away from all the bad stuff, rather than to procrastinate, and made myself even sadder.

My relationship with a close cousin soured because of misunderstandings, due to our differences in character as well as external parties who leveraged on this, and widened the gap between us. Once we discovered the person who caused us this rift, our relationship improved, albeit not back to the norm yet. I am still indignant that both of us did not have enough trust in each other that we allowed other cunning parties to take the opportunity to spoil our relationship. However, I believe blood is thicker than water. We may not be ready to get back to what we used to be, but at least we are prepared to move on from this misunderstanding.

As for the external party who was a culprit, I finally saw his true colours because ...wham!... his fox tail appeared (or was it the Rat's tail this year?). He was just someone who was putting on a facade for everyone, in order to gain control and manipulate situations and people to benefit himself. Worse, if these ways were used in a corporate working environment, it made me wonder how long can hooliganistic style prevail in running a business, especially in a country like Singapore which preaches rules and order.

I lost a friend due to misunderstandings and misplaced trust, this friend whom I doted more than anything else, and sadly, only I know that. This friend whom I trusted and shared many of my dreams and beliefs. I place friendships above anything else, especially those who matter to me, even more so than myself. For friends I love, I would go the extra mile to help or care, even though I may be in dire straits myself. All that matters to me was, these friends know how deeply concern I am. But if all my efforts are thrown down the drain, then I am crushed. Like I was advised, I should not be too nice to people sometimes.

Whilst all the downs, I like to be thankful for this past 6 months. I found I am equally adaptable and flexible to any job in all areas and all levels. With my many years of experience, I can switch roles rather easily. So that gives me the edge over others who only specialise in one area. And I have the support of many clients, new and old, who are ready to support me wherever I go. Many companies do not recognise that the human touch is more crucial in long term business development, hence they do not value their staff, especially those who are facing clients everyday. Clients are clients because they trust the people who service them, and seldom because of the big boss who sits behind the scenes, immuned to the voices of the clients.

I found that I have few other close friends who still care about me, despite my failures, despite my moody outbursts, despite my insensitivities. These are friends who have stood by me for the past few decades. I found my buddies were the ones who readily helped me in handling my emotions, and sometime inferiority perplexes, as well as my despondent moments.

I am thankful that my family members are all well and good, they are healthy and happy in our daily lives. They are my pillar of support during bad times, although they may not be aware of that. Their presence meant a lot, even if we do not talk about the bad stuff.

I am glad that I can turn to the Buddha at times when I am down, my pillar of strength. How much we suffer in this life or past lives all have impact on our future lives. We can only help ourselves to be better, to gain the enlightenment. Buddha can't help us if we do not help ourselves. I believe in having the faith in Buddha as well as acting to remove my obstacles as much as possible, can alleviate my obscurations and a better karma, for a better future life/lives.

I am geared towards a better me, rediscovering the passion again...

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