Dealing with it

Nowadays my eyes have been giving me problems. After 12 midnight on the PC, my eyes would turn blurry and I had to strain to see the screen. But 70% were blur. I had to resort to my spectacles again. Some days I have been chatting with friend till 2-3am, yet strangely I can still get up on time every morning. Maybe this has taken its toil on me. Then I have to sleep more.

I touched base with so many people from the past as well as made new friends recently. I was wondering a few weeks ago, when would I ever get out of the self-imposed rut - after some bad brush with people last year. In terms of my relationships with humans, I would consider last year as the worst I had ever experienced in my whole life. And I suffered the aftermath shock for the longest time. Never in my life did I had any problem interacting with people of all levels, friends or acquaintances. Mostly I am very much loved by friends, acquaintances and even strangers. So last year was a misnomer that left me reeling in shock and disbelief. All because of one person, I had to reassess people's character so on and so forth. That's why now I am very wary of people who are ungrateful and who do not show the slightest gratitude for camaraderie, who do not appreciate all my efforts as a friend. In fact it has become a phobia. I tend to have a shield around me, especially those I interact more closely with. The fear is still there, and I would not allow myself to go through the same pain again.

Ironically, maybe that is why I prefer making friends with and interacting with strangers nowadays. Subconsciously, maybe it's because I don't have to feel that obliged if I could not get along well with a stranger friend, I can just easily ignore or full stop.

Anyway, I made friends with an American who is a lovely lady and who always gives me wonderful advise. I also got to know some friends online. One of them is JK who is very nice and we exchange life experiences. I also got in touch with a former schoolmate from the same school but we did not know each other then. He used to be nicknamed "Prince" by my classmates. A business acquaintance I got back in touch with recently has been real supportive in recommending me opportunities and I am grateful for that.

I don't know if I have fully recovered from that phobia, but despite that loss, I have gained many other things and a wealth of experience in dealing with people. And the lesson I learnt is, never ever be ungrateful to those who love and treat you well, because otherwise, the guilt will always come back to haunt you (that is, if you have a conscience).