Wednesday, 16 May 2012

When attachment is our nemesis

Reading the above quote, I thought about one particular verse in the "Eight Verses of Mind Transformation"

When someone I have benefited
And in whom I have placed great trust
Hurts me very badly,
I will practice seeing that person as my supreme teacher.

Venerable Thubten Chodron said, 
"This speaks about somebody we have benefited, who has been our best friend, whom we’ve trusted and told our secrets to. Then this person turns around and does exactly what we don’t want them to do. We feel vulnerable and hurt. When we are hurt, it’s often because we’ve held unrealistic expectations of others (they are not going to change). Think of a situation in which you felt hurt. Did you have accurate expectations? How did they cause you to feel betrayed, disappointed or disillusioned?

When we are hurt, it’s because our buttons have been pushed. Our buttons are our responsibility — as long as we have them, they will get pushed. That person becomes a great teacher by pointing our clearly what we need to work on, thus giving us the chance to resolve areas of internal conflict. When people we’ve trusted: break or ruin things, don’t keep commitments, criticize us, break off the relationship, talk behind our back, stop loving us, or give us bad recommendations. We need to see them as our supreme teacher.

What are they teaching us? Compassion. Abandoning expectations. Being flexible. Letting go of clinging to a solid image of somebody else. Patience that gives other people space to make mistakes. They are people just like we are."

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