Thursday, 18 March 2010

Swimming in the sea of noise

Ironic as the title sounds... when you're submerged in water, you are actually engulfed by silence... and instead, I hear 'noise'.

Truth be told. These 2 months have been nothing but meandering between extreme fluctuating moods which set me thinking a lot. A lot. One moment I could be  at an all-time high exuberant mood because of the most auspicious and fortunate events that  had happened to me, about spirituality, my gurus, and my extremely good fortune in having all of that to bless me.  On the other hand, other times, the mood could be at an extreme low, despondent and one of bewilderment as I observed the people and things happening around me.

Been pretty occupied in doing other stuff and hanging out with real life friends, as well as getting to know more online friends, almost all of whom are strangers. And because of my observation and time spent in doing just that, I've been pretty behind in updating this blog. Been in a blogging rut / rot. I actually have a lot on my mind and much stuff to write, but words just could not materialise when I was sitting in front of the laptop. It's like having something to say, but nothing came out. It was like something stuck in my throat. Whilst nothing and silence from my side, on the other hand, I 'see' and kept hearing the 'noise' from the digital world, specifically, online news, Facebook, Twitter and what-nots. For example, while the entire Singapore seemed to be embroiled in the Jack Neo (aka. Tiger Woods)'s scandal, I could not have been bothered the least. What people did behind closed doors was none of my business, the unfortunate thing was because Jack is famous. Which very rich and famous man  has not strayed and has been truly faithful in a marriage, I wonder? Not that I condone his deeds, but who am I to judge him? Let his God, family and wife do that. Give the couple space and time to heal.

Another thing why I stopped tweeting regularly was, it has become too addictive reading and tweeting stuff with my 'friends' there, many of whom are strangers. Too much stuff to absorb even though I mostly skimmed through. Most are nice people, I'm sure, but I am at times appalled at some of the stuff people tweeted, ranted, cried foul over, the angst  and anger. Sometimes too personal. Some tweeters are students and teenagers, but most are young working adults. I am amazed some of them can be online and tweeting all the time 24 hours a day.  It is like their lives revolve around Twitter, which is pretty astonishing to me, no matter how fanatically I embrace the social media. Some stuff I read from one or two tweeters made me cringe (I know, I know, I can always 'unfollow', but then again....).  I prefer to chat with the few regular nice buddy buddy ones whom I know. It boils down to what was the acceptable limit to me.  It came to a point where I could not bear to hear the "noise"  people make over the slightest littlest everyday things that happened to them. All the gossiping irritated me. Even real life noise from people's chatter irritated me at times. I thought, if people find the need to constantly engage in mindless gossiping with others, it shows how desperate these people are to prove to others they are right and happy and not alone. However, it somehow shows the opposite. So I learned to 'switch off' for a while.

And just this morning, when I routinely opened up to check Facebook, I was shocked to see that someone has posted some videos of a naked girl in his facebook profile. The girl looked familiar and I immediately recognised her and her name. She was a girlfriend's bestie. I do not know the girl personally but have seen her a couple of times before. I presumed the guy who posted the videos was a spurned ex-lover or someone close to her to resort to this. I was quite sad and shocked. I am considering reporting the guy, even though (again) it is none of my business. This is the first time being "online" made me so tired. Tired of all the unreal and hurtful stuff people do in the internet. Breathless.
It was during one of these 'breathless' moments, it suddenly dawned upon me something I had learnt from one of the teachings (in regards to a guideline for a practice)  "Do not be close to malevolent people".  While as Buddhists, we have to respect each and everyone we meet, even those we do not like, or those who hate us, our enemies.... at the same time, we have to try to steer clear of people who can potentially harm us, from thos people who have ill intentions towards us, whether mentally, physically, or psychologically, and especially those who try to sway /pull us away from the Dharma path.  We need to avoid association with people who may be detrimental to our beliefs and practice. We must learn to protect ourselves and prevent ourselves from all the sources which are weakening our mind further. I have tried to advise one or two fellas whom I think is going towards something they should not (because I know the heartaches and hurt they are going to bump into) but it fell on deaf ears, and I was misunderstood instead.  So much for being a busybody. Have I exposed myself to malevolent people unwittingly? I am still not enlightened, I am still a suffering human being. But I know I have the higher beings' blessings and protection at the same time. Yet maybe because of these tiny realizations I get, I have become even more sensitive to external harmful forces, which explains why I'm feeling this way.  (Patience) testing times indeed.

Allow me to get back to my normal self. Stay blessed. In the meantime...
Silence is a source of great strength. - Lao Tzu

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