At times, I might have been sarcastic. Sometimes I am, while mostly I do not mean it at all. While we may judge others wrongly, others may perceive us wrongly too. I have learned not to explain too much when I realise they do not believe in whatever explanation you give. What I say doesn't matter anymore. So usually I will just laugh it off, or say 'ok I'll improve/change'. Nonetheless, I know I am still a little affected, especially in cases when I know I totally do not mean it at all. Perhaps it is from past experiences that made me say what I did. I'll be more mindful from now on.
Sometimes being genuinely nice to someone may also be interpreted by others as if I have some ulterior motives. Or are the ones who are suspicious too insecure themselves? It's a trust issue. Again whose fault is it? I've always stood by my principle: whoever helped me before, I will treat them extra nice and return the favour 100-fold. I believe in the law of causality. I also believe in my own motivation. As long as my motivation is proper, I actually don't care two hoots what others say (unless they are carrying tales). Perhaps I need to do something to divert all the unnecessary attention I get.
Another realisation sort of woke me up. Being popular/loved and being outcast are actually both equally disgusting. And I'm so fortunate to experience both extremes. I have learned not to be too arrogant when things are to my advantage, while on the other hand also not to take things too personally when I'm 'outcast' or not involved in the 'popular circle'. This is because nothing will remain the same forever. So why hold on so tightly and so attached to the 'status' others label you as? The lesson I learned is, through all these, I have seen the ugly side of mankind and life, which made me even more determined to sought liberation the soonest possible. The most important is we are true to ourselves and true to those genuine to us.
Always believe in yourself.