Sunday, 26 February 2017

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Recently my eyes have been feeling dry that they are difficult to open, as if there are millions of miniscule dirt particles stuck inside. If I happen to wake up in the middle of the night, the eyes would be hard to pry open. I had to apply lubricant eye drops frequently. I wonder if I should get them treated or if this is due to age.

I am born with a lazy eye. I've never broach on this before as I assume it is obvious to people. I discovered this when I was a child, maybe 6,7 years old.  One day when I came back from school I was sitting on the floor in front of the mirror. Then I realised my eyes looked weird. I remember I was feeling sad and kept asking myself why I did not have normal perfect eyes like others. I asked myself why I did not have big beautiful eyes like others.  I guess this made me a little self conscious of my looks. If I was not pretty conventionally, my eyes made me felt even worse. So I lived the rest of my childhood feeling inadequate, shy and 'not pretty'. I feel sad whenever anyone comments on my looks, even though no one has ever mentioned about my eyes. No one was that unkind. It didn't get to the point of me being depressed or anything drastic. But it remains just a bane in my subconscious mind. Haha. 

Over the years, I've come to accept that that's the way I look. I've not talk to anyone about this and see no point in doing so. There's nothing I can do about how I'm born with. My eye sight is good without having to wear glasses. On hindsight, if I had been to the doctor when I was a kid and had it treated I might have improved my eyes and thus my looks. But with our family background then, we probably could not have afforded it anyway. And in these days of medical advances, cosmetic surgery can probably help. However I don't think I'll ever do it. 

As long as I can see and my eyes are not blind, I think I should count my blessings. Those who love me accept how I look. Those who care about me, love me beyond looks. I'll still continue taking selfies, the 'not pretty' me with loved ones and friends. Creating beautiful memories is more important than how unbeautiful I look physically.  I guess we are beautiful in our own ways. 

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