Moving and moving on

Have not been blogging lately because I have finally got my house keys yesterday! Now every weekend, we are busy sourcing for contracters, planning and designing our new house, searching for furniture, and electronic stuff. Quite interesting and I cant wait to move in right away.

Besides that, I am so glad I found 3 long lost friends through Facebook. SC was my secondary schoolmate, she is a cheerful and bright girl full of mischievious smiles and everything about her was sunshine. She was one of those cheeky ones in class who dared to poke fun at our teachers. Plus she was pretty too. She still is.

KH was my ex colleague of more than 10 years. He was close to me last time, and we have kept in touch occasionally through the years without meeting up. He runs a small hotel in Malaysia. He has been asking when we gonna meet up for teh-tarik to catch up.

Kelly was my high school mate. She is now based in Shanghai working for an American firm. She moved to Shanghai since 2003. That was the last I met her during work occasions. She is also a pretty girl with a loud voice and even louder laughter.

Another person SZ, I just got to know recently, who has been giving me advise on how to handle certain situations with her foresight and clairvoyance. I am glad she is right almost all the time. She told me to believe in myself as I am a good and sincere person and things will turn out well for me. She advised me never to feel down because of how others treat me. She said "it's their loss because you are a great friend, sweetheart". I think she is a valuable Godsend at this moment, and I managed to get rid of many negative emotions through my own cleansing and her help. She is one of my benefactors now.

So I am glad I "found" all these new and long lost friends.

Currently my state of mind is - I would like to get things done, up and running, fast. I feel the urge to quickly resolve any negative stuff and just move on, moving into new house, moving into a new life, and hopefully moving into new career too. And, moving on from people who have hurt me, and whom apparently did not care about me. I am dwelling in comfort of friends who still care about me and for me.

Some 2007 Xmas pressies...

Mama!

I accidentally discovered a pix in my cousin, Dion's, friendster. He drew an acrylic painting of my Grandma! One look and I knew it was Mama. I don't know why, but I was quite touched. Here is one bumbling aspiring designer teenager who never showed any emotional attachment or expressed his excitement or fondness in front of the grand old dame, yet he drew this piece of art. The resemblance was there, the thin lips, the mass white hair, the glasses, her signature Vshape blouse, the age-worn wrinkles etc... If I were Mama, I would be touched too. I must make sure I show it to her this weekend. Likewise, Dion's smile was the same, from a toddler to teenager.

Muddy Mudpie

Have promised niece and nephew to bring them for Coffee Club's mudpie and chocolate fruit fondue for a long time because was waiting for nephew's cough to recover, and before niece's exams arrive. So finally during the long CNY weekend, brought them there. They simply love it, as I expected.... together with chicken wings, strawberry milkshake. I was craving for mudpie for a while but a friend who was initially supposed to go with me since Xmas, played me out. Sometimes I really wonder.... when you need a friend (for various reasons).. when you are down or just purely for the company, it's always a no-show. While I do make it a point to accompany friends anywhere they wanna go or eat, but it's kinda sad that when I have a certain craving or just wanted company from specific friends, no one could spare the time. This is how pathetic life is sometimes.

Satu Tigger!

Rich Friend heard I need to have a tiger closely by my side for this year, so she bought me this Tigger in a yellow jumpsuit, to sleep with me in bed. Kakaka, thanks... hope zee power works ....

Cosy CNY

This year will be the last CNY in my very old cosy house. Hence took some memories, from the altar full of offerings to the snacks, and each corner decorated with CNY stuff..... and the people who came to make our CNY complete each year - my young pretty aunts and cousins etc... I didnt take all the entire group as I was too busy chatting and serving snacks. I also didn't win or lost big this year at the blackjack table.

Happy birthday, buddy!

6th Feb is one of my buddies, Jasmine's birthday. But as usual its near CNY period and this year falls on last day of the pig year, reunion dinner day. So we didnt get to meet. She was born on the 1st day of the CNY actually. Anyway we will meet over the next few days.

Friend, happy birthday! May all your wishes come true. I thank you for being a great friend for the last 30 years (Jasmine is my childhood friend!), hope we have another 30 great years ahead. Would like to say I can't thank you enough for being there for me during my lowest time in my life.

Reunion dinner

My reunion dinner was at a Teochew restaurant at Robertson Walk. We had it a day earlier, on the evening of 5th Feb. The compulsory dish was the lo hei as starters. Must "lo" until 风声水起! Some dishes we had over the first 2 days of CNY. 

- Stir fried Kai Lan 

- Braised Duck with Toufu 

- Sweet & Sour Pork 

- Cereal Crayfish 

- Fish Maw Soup 

- CNY Fish 

- Bei Dou Ee 

- Prawn Roll 

- Chap Chye mixed veggies

- Oh Nee (sweet yam paste with pumpkin)

Sausage lunch

This was my last lunch of the piggy year, before my reunion dinner. Was alone at Raffles Place to run my last minute errands, so went to Ethan's Sausage Restaurant for lunch. I like sausages so I didn't mind. I ordered the set with 2 sausages and mashed potatoes and fries. The menu didnt show mashed potatoes, it showed chips. Otherwise I wouldnt have ordered fries as a side dish, would have ordered the soup instead! They came with different sauces, ketchup, chilli, mustard, wasabi mustard cream. Actually I prefer it plain, tasty enough.

“鼠来宝”

Finally Spring is here, the rat year has arrived today. Spring is normally a good period for me as it is Wood. I can't tahan the winter period which does nothing for me but worsen the "water" in my bazi. And as "instructed" by my master, I wore red today; red blouse, red bag, red wallet, red shoes... enough red to bring in all the good luck and to chase away all the bad. Hopefully everything will work out beautifully this year. This cute comic courtesy of Fann - drawn by her. I only added the red border...hehe.

Last day

Today is the last day of the piggy year. Although 7 Feb is the official CNY which we celebrate, however tomorrow 4 Feb is 立春 which means the start of Spring. So, technically speaking, the year of the Rat will kick in tomorrow.

The year of the piggy was a mixed period for me, with its ups and downs. From getting to know friends better to getting to know the downside of having gotten to know friends better. It was a hard experience for me towards the end of the Pig's tail, or as someone puts it, it "taught me a lesson". A sad disappointed lesson. After all the anger and frustration subsided, after the tears, after thinking through, and thinking hard, and after searching through my heart and conscience, I think I have done all I could as a friend, or even as a close friend. If I had done anything wrong, I had apologised again and again. So I should not have any regrets. The only regret was, perhaps the other party did not even treat me as a close and concerned friend. Maybe I was just a passerby, a stepping stone, just an acquaintance. With all my conscience, I have treated friends I like with concern and with a listening ear, buy stuff whom friends like, provided advise whenever I deem fit. Or just simply lift a hand up when one is down or sick. Or simply just provided the company sometimes. If all these gestures are ignored and forgotten and misunderstood, there is nothing I can do. I know I had done my best and enjoyed the good times. If some friends are not meant to be with me through my bad times, then it's just my luck, my karma (although I must say this is the first time this happened to me!). No one single friend has ever ever ever treated me as dirt before or hurt me as bad as this time. I will remember this forever but I will choose to believe this is not the end of the friendship. For now, I am just deeply hurt.

This is just one side of piggy year which I encounter and didnt like. I am not even going to talk about other personal down issues. But enough is enough. Think I have suffered enough.

So there, out with the piggy, welcome the rat.

Ngo Hiang!

Mom made the Ngo Hiang (wrapped meat spring rolls) yesterday, the one dish which is compulsory during CNY every year. Our home made version is the best I have tasted compared to the restaurants if I may say so ... largely because of the generous amounts of different ingredients we put in it - mashed pork with little fats, mashed prawn meat, fish ball meat, carrots, big onions, spring onions, corn flour, eggs, and most importantly, water chestnuts. Our version is very crunchy and fragrant and light. 

After chopping all the ingredients and mixing them up in a huge big pot of paste, mom got ready to wrap each up with bean curd skin. I helped her steam the wrapped spring rolls for 10 minutes and they are cooked. Normally on CNY day we will fry the rolls and cut them into smaller bite size pieces, and dipping them with chilli with lime, heaven! We made about 50 rolls this year, enough to feed about 80 - 100 people together with other dishes. However, we normally give them out to relatives and friends. This is one of my favourite food of CNY - with courtesy from Mom.

".....and God gave me Ethan...."

Received this email from my buddy Veg, writing about her account of her son Ethan and the other whom she lost, Andrew.

I was 'ja-ga-ing' the car, parked outside the Chocs & Nuts shop while a visiting friend was busy buying nuts back to S'pore for CNY. Ethan was in the car with me. As usual, he was chatty and was talking about him being strong now. And the conversation went :

E = Mummy, I'm strong now, look. I can buckle myself, look. I'm a good boy right?
M = Wow, what a strong boy you are now. And yes, you are a good boy.
E = Mummy. Mummy. I'm a good boy. I'm a big boy. I'm strong now. I can hold the baby. I can help take care of the baby. Right? Mummy? Right?
M = Yes you are.
E = I can hold my baby. I can share my toys with my baby. I can play with my baby. And you can go cook, and we can watch TV.....

(etc etc He was sort of talking to himself .....I turned around and looked at him.)

M = Ethan, what are you talking about? Which baby are you talking about?
E = .....
M = Are you talking about baby Andrew?
E = ..... Yes.
M = Baby (that's what I call Ethan), you know where is baby Andrew right?
E = ..... in heaven?
M = Yes. We told you, remember?
E = ..... nooooooo, I mean when he comes back, when he comes back I'll play with him.
M = Baby, Andrew is not coming back. He is in heaven. He cant come back.
E = ..... noooooooo. I'm talking about another baby. (Ethan has this 'talent' of changing topic/subject when he gets 'stuck' in the original version.)
M = ..... well, ok, maybe. ...... Maybe we can ask God to give us another baby. .....and if we get to keep the baby this time, you can help take care of it ....

By now, I was drawn into my own world, looking out of my own window, half talking to myself actually ....... and then I heard Ethan .....

E = Oh, I've a great idea. Maybe we can ask for babies not to go to heaven. Yes, I've a good idea, we can pray to God, and ask God for babies not to go to heaven. Right? Mummy? Right? It's a super great idea.

I turned around once again, looked at him, amazed at how adoring my little Ethan is. He was beaming with enthusiasm, eyes shining bright with the 'super great idea' that he came up with.

M = .....well, that's nice. You think so?
E = Yes. Switch off the music Mummy. Yes. Keep quiet. Don't talk. Yes. I'm gonna pray. Don't talk. Don't look at me. Turn around Mummy. Yes.

In the next 10 silent seconds in the car, I heard my little son mumbled a little prayer, for me. I cried. Not that I've actually really stopped crying since the day I lost Andrew. I cried as the pain of lost creeps back into my veins. I cried as I feel the joy of knowing the giant faith that is in the little boy I call my son, now sitting in the same car as I am. I was reminded of how little faith I have. I was reminded of verses like "..... if you have faith as small as the mustard seed ....." and " .... for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these (the little children) ....."

I thank God that He is my comforter. I thank God that He has sent His angels to guard me and lift me, lest I dash my foot against a stone (Psalm 91). Little did I expect my Guardian Angel would come in the form of a size 110.

Do continue to keep me in your prayers. For strength and peace to rule me. For protection from fear and depression. For wisdom and guidance to teach Ethan daily.