Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Getting over what's beyond me

Sometimes I get agitated by friends during conversations. Understandably, we have our differences in opinions in our daily life. I do not understand their actions, and they do not understand my point of view. Let's not even get to who is right or wrong. To me, if I care enough for someone, I would be pretty forthright and direct. I do not like beating around the bush. Sometimes it is because I have a very uncomfortable nagging feeling over the friend's situation or problem. Maybe it was some kind of fuzzy premonition, because I am often 90% accurate. That is the only reason I bothered to ask, or 'question' in the first place. Otherwise, mostly, I am practically bochap

But then again, ultimately, I understand, some things are beyond my control. In the end, I just hope he/she is happy. If anything really do happen, it is again beyond my control. I seem to have that burning desire to listen, to help, to warn, but mostly because of this, I become deeply disappointed when words fall on deaf ears. I hope my concern for others never diminish, and from that, may I continue to develop patience and compassion.

I like this little quote by Venerable Pema Chodron, adapted from "Start Where You Are, chapter 17 - Compassionate Action".  

"How do we create a saner world or a saner domestic situation or job situation, wherever we may be? How do we work with our actions and our speech and our minds in a way that opens up the space rather than closes it down? In other words, how do we create space for other people and ourselves to connect with our own wisdom? 

It all starts with loving-kindness towards oneself, which in turn becomes loving-kindness for others. As the barriers come down around our own hearts, we are less afraid of other people. We are more able to hear what is being said, see what is in front of our eyes, and work in accord with what happens rather than struggle against it. The lojong teachings say that the way to help, the way to act compassionatley, is to exchange oneself for other. When you can put yourself in someone else's shoes, then you know what is needed, and what would speak to the heart." 

I'm constantly still trying very hard to do that.

1 comment:

  1. I felt that same way with someone close to me. In the end I gave up. It was just too draining. I had to admit the hard truth to myself...she was selfish. Something everyone was telling me but I had always been protective of her and constantly gave excuses. sigh.


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