What have I inherited?

Sometimes, I wonder if I have a child next time, will he / she inherit my characteristics? Will my child be bochap and laidback? Will my child be successful or unsuccessful in life? Will my child be an overall nice grounded person? Or will he / she be unreasonable, petty and temperamental at his / her worst? The question is, if given a choice, would I want my child to possess all my characteristics?

What got me thinking was, I observed how my parents behave towards others, their method of parenting, and their strengths and weaknesses, and I asked myself if I am like them or will I behave like them when I am older at their age.

Take for example, my father is a very cautious and mostly negative person, who does not know how to give praises, and worst, tactless most of the time. When I made some new dishes for the very first time to let my family try, mostly he did not have good comments. For the Ayam Ponteh I cooked recently, he commented "wah so oily". For the Durian Grean Bean Soup, he commented "wah too sweet can cause diabetes". Or "the vegetables are too salty" and "cannot eat fried stuff too often".  To me, he just does not sound the least appreciative for everything. No wonder my mom's cooking has become so bland by normal standards, all because of his "complaints".  Yes we should advocate healthy living, but that does not mean we should eat bland stuff all the time. To me, what's the joy of living then? We only live once in  this lifetime.

When my father had a little tiff with his sister, he would gossip /complain to his brother about her almost daily, that it became a pain to my ears. He becomes relentless and unforgiving with his hurtful remarks. He does not seem to forgive and forget easily. But to the outsiders, he is smiling and looks friendly. I realised, to my horror, my father and his sister have actually inherited their "gift of the gab" (for scolding people) from their mother! My late grandmother used to be very fierce and always scolding her young maids. My grandmother only mellowed down in her twilight years before she passed on.

I think some of my father's traits have rubbed off on my mom as well. When I bought pan salt, she asked why I "use it up so fast?" as pan salt is more costly. It is only $3.50, mom, and it is more healthy. When I used the "wrong" kind of pork ribs in the fridge for cooking soup (I have unknowingly taken the most expensive ones), my mom would make a big fuss "they cost me $10 you know!". With my feathers ruffled, I would retort "I pay you back lah! You didn't even say which ribs can use or cannot use what!" Yes, maybe circumstances have made my mom thrifty, and I appreciate that. But by then, both of us were already not in a good mood.

To fengshui advocates, they may deem this as a "clash" between person to person, whether "direct clash" or "indirect clash". I chose to keep quiet when there are clashes. Sometimes, when we meet a stranger, we feel the animosity towards that person, or worse, have conflicts with. So, there is a clash somewhere. Sometimes you get scolding for nothing by someone, whose harsh words hurt you deeply. I remember a few instances when I received scolding from someone who accused me of doing this and that and harshly said "you still haven't learn your lesson huh?". I thought that was uncalled for when I did not do anything to harm the person and not even close to that person in the first place. Again I kept quiet and avoid that person henceforth.  

On the other hand, some friends and loved ones may think that I am "superstitious" in terms of believing wholeheartedly in fengshui or bazi. Yes, I believe clashes do exist from the viewpoint of our birthdates and I believe the fengshui of the house or office does affect our general well-being. HOWEVER, I do NOT and will NOT blame any disagreements or quarrels or disasters purely on these "clashes". Taking the example of my parents and their hurtful comments, these may be "clashes" to me, but I do not hate them because of the clashes. Why? Because they are my parents and I love them. I believe understanding and patience towards each other, and the willingness to accept each other's weaknesses is the key to a more harmonious environment. If there are fengshui/bazi clashes, we look for cures, and not annihilation of the very objects of clashes. On top of all these metaphysical clashes, there is the higher realm of religion. Our good deeds and merits can overcome obstacles and clashes, if we try hard enough. You have a problem with me, talk to my Buddha, as I am busy creating more good deeds and merits to eradicate the negative karma.

Ok sorry, I deviated. So the bottom line is, have I unconsciously inherited some of my parents' traits, especially the bad ones? And do I want my future child to inherit these similar bad traits too? At this point of time, I do not wish my child to inherit my bad traits, whether inherited or otherwise. So I need to change and improve myself now, in order to ensure the negative points are not "passed down" to the next generation.

Just saw an appropriate quote on the right column of this blog, Quote of the Day.

"When you blame others, you give up your power to change". - Roberts Anthony