A fool

Today I received a sms from a good friend whom I have not seen for some time. He said "Hey baby, I am planning lunch with XXX next wednesday, wanna join?" I replied "Sure baby" then added "but if I find out it is April Fool's joke, I am gonna kill you." Haha, we were used to joking like that. We were supposed to meet up on April's Fool day for lunch with another mutual friend of ours. It was nice to hear from him. He was a bubbly joker whose laughter was very infectious. A funny guy. I missed those times when we worked together. We in the sales and marketing team, used to be the so-called "elite" people in the company and the loudest in the office, because sales people mah, were naturally loud and boisterous, compared to the nerdy techies or the serious admin people. Hehehe.

I was amazed with the speed at which I replied "ok, on". A mere second. A mere second was how fast I used to reply people in sms. I got another email a week ago, from a Yahoo group mailing list of a group of friends. Yes we actually created a Yahoo group mailing list to let all these friends keep in touch with each other. It was a pretty good idea.

The big group was actually planning a get together soon. I had not reply .... yet. One thing about big group outing is, we tend to gather for small talk and to fool around with each other. I prefer one-to-one or two to really update or to have heart-to-heart chat. In normal circumstances, I supposed I would have agreed to go anyway. However this time, I did not reply. Maybe because I would meet some people whom I would not be that enthusiastic about.

I used to trust this person very much, closer than any confidante, and whom I had doted dearly. Because I thought we could be friends for life. But all I got in return was betrayal and cold treatment. It was this person who made me wake up, as I found out bitterly that my judgement of people had gone awry, and made me not to be too trusting towards people anymore. I always thought kindness begets kindness. But I was hurt that it did not turn out that way, and even more broken and insulted when it came from someone whom I had great faith in. I stooped that low in order to work things out, to patch things up. The person did nothing. Despite my efforts, I was not even considered a normal friend. Others were more important to this person. That was why I chose to walk away.

I had thought time would ease the pain of losing a friend. It was even more painful than confronting an enemy. But even after such a long period of time, whenever I think of this person, it was still painful. No apology. No efforts to seek reconciliation. Not even a birthday greeting from this person. Not even a shallow "hi" or artificial "how are you?" Even a very insignificant person to me, remembered me and bothered to keep in touch.

I was that fool on that certain month of April.