Wednesday, 2 September 2009

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity"

Whenever I read of stories of how girls are being bullied or abused by their boyfriends or husbands, I will fume. Worse if it happens to my own friends or someone I know. Yesterday, there was an article from Straits Times on a survey done by BBC.  A third of teenage girls suffer sexual abuse in a relationship and a quarter experience violence at the hands of their boyfriends, the survey has suggested.

(Inset photo: Maja Salvador, a Filipino actress, plays a sexually abused teenager the drama series, Maalala Mo Kaya.  Courtesy of ABS-CBN)

I have a friend whom I got to know a few months ago. She is a bright and smart girl, and also quite pretty too. Many guys like her. I knew she had a boyfriend. As we got to know each other better, she confided in me. She would often grumble to me about how possessive her boyfriend was, and that he monitored and controlled her daily activities. He did not allow her to go out even with her girlfriends, much lest talking to or meeting other guy friends. Her boyfriend was jealous and unreasonable.

She does not look like a weak person. In fact, she is quite eloquent and a very pleasant beautiful girl. About a month ago, on the verge of breaking off with her boyfriend, she told me she felt "suffocated" in the relationship. No freedom. No social life. No friends. I had told her then, to think if she really loved him. If not, it was best to let it go. Eventually she broke off with him. Afterwards, she told me actually her boyfriend had been violent to her. I was shocked and angry. On 3 occasions, her boyfriend had beaten her or slapped her. She could not stop him and could not defend herself because she was physically not strong enough. She did not want to report him to the police, nor could she tell her family (her family liked the boyfriend alot and no one would have believed her). She suffered insomnia because of this. So sad. At least now, she is happier on her own. I am happy for her too.

Last year, I also got back in touch with a classmate of mine in JC. We were not that close, so we were not in touch for many many years. Then we found each other online. She is currently working in China. She has been there for about 5 years. As we become more comfortable chatting with each other, I asked her what happened to her and her husband (because I could sense that something had happened, otherwise she would not be in China without her husband). I know both of them since school days and I have heard they got married about a decade ago. They were so loving then.

It was then that she told me about her painful marriage. Four months after their wedding, she found her husband in bed with another woman in their own house, in their own bed. Instead of feeling remorseful, her husband started abusing and hitting her instead. And her husband kept changing and having affairs with new girls. None of her friends or family believed her because her husband looked like a really quiet and decent nice guy, whereas my pretty friend was the bubbly, talkative and loud one. It was hard to believe such a gentleman was a bastard.

She told me it was so bad that she had to report him to the police and got a protection order. Eventually she divorced him. She told me when she left, she did not get a single cent from the sale of their house, and over the years, she had also helped his family paid off huge gambling debts as well as paid for his further studies. In the end, when she left, she only had $1 in her name. She has kept her bank account book with her all these years to remind herself of what she went through.

I told my friend, I actually had the feeling something was amiss between them years ago, when I bumped into her husband with a much younger woman shopping in Orchard. Also, when I bumped into her once or twice on separate occasions, she was like a different person in her own world. She was reticent and downcast, so different from her usual bubbly cheerful self. She even ignored me in public when I called her name! Now, after so many years of wondering, I finally know the truth. Even though she may not be a close friend, still I was so hopping mad. I knew something had gone wrong with their relationship years ago but I did not know it was that bad. I feel so much pain for my friend.

So, ladies, if you are ever in trouble or have been abused by your partner, please go to the relevant authorities or talk to someone. Ask for help and do not ever let another human being torture you mentally and physically again. You have your own right. You have your own life to live.

On a lighter note, I find it amusing that I often meet people, both friends or strangers alike, who would confide in me all their serious mind-boggling problems. I should have become a bloody good counsellor with proper training. Haha.


  1. Bastards are all around. How can we allow men to treat us so badly? =(

  2. Hi HB,
    Yeah, I fume every time I know of such stuff. They like to bully the weak (woman).

    Hey your pseudonym suddenly become so kids-friendly, haha! ;P


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