Reflections

Thought I had lost the inspiration to blog since Christmas. Did not really wrap up the past year. Did not even make any Christmas, New Year or whatever resolutions.... because I did not made any last year too. Been confined just to micro blogging (via Twitter), my snippets of thoughts, quotes and rants, and that was about it.

So, here it is. I just like to recollect some of my thoughts about certain stuff that I have been thinking of, here and there.

To me, 2007 was the year of job frustrations and struggling with decisions and funds management. I might have had it too good the previous years such that that year cultimated into many wake up calls. I was frequently forced made to resolve some issues with people, I wanted to find a new job, I was to move to a new house, I wanted to make more money, and at the same time, I was afraid to lose some things and people in my life. I wanted a new job. I was doing fine in that job but I was bored. I wanted a change. But at the same time, I did not want to lose that comfortable feeling, familiar environment. I kept asking myself "what do I really want?". That was the time where I lost hope in some people but some other real friends appeared. That was the Pig year. It was a panicky year that ended with mixed feelings.

2008, the Rat year, was the year of betrayals. It was the year I finally plucked up my courage to leave certain things behind. Even before I left my job, many others already left theirs. It was a year in which I encountered "petty people" or backstabbers. It was the year of going back to Square One. I shifted house, I changed job, I changed environment. It was the year of getting used to new beginnings, new people, new house, new office, new clients. I felt like I was back to those days of being a newbie sales person, lugging my laptop knocking on doors (not literally). It was hard work. Whilst I was optimistic and happy with my new outfit and performance (I did hit target, many times over), was relieved on a personal level (because I finally made the decision to take the risk), however I was also surrounded by smart alecs who were only interested in their own gains and very high handed in their dealings, always taking advantage of the lesser beings. I was betrayed. I wanted no connection with such people. I wanted to work with people who were professional, compassionate, kind and smart, and not scheming people. With that encounter, I became suspicious of a few others after that. I could not let go of 2 matters; one about work and the other, personal. The year ended with uncertainties but somewhat happily with a trip to Dubai to visit my buddy. Nonetheless I hate Water years (pig and rat belong to the water element and water is no good for me in terms of bazi).

2009 was a safe, quiet and smooth year although I saw a different side of people I know, and I came to terms with myself. By beginning 2009, the economic crisis had already set in. Maybe in times of a crisis, fortunes change, and thus people change. I see families being affected by the down times, loss of jobs and income, with increased anguish emotions. Yes, we were very concerned about those loved ones and friends who fell from riches to rags overnight. But on the same note, I wondered, what about those who had always been suffering in poverty? Shouldn't we be even more sympathetic to these people? In 2009, supposedly true friends lost touch and became not so close. I saw the good and the bad from that change in people. Perhaps we never really know a person because we only know our perceived idea of their reality. Time can withstand true friendship in this ever-changing world, I always remind myself. I got to know many interesting strangers too and thoroughly enjoy the friendship with a few of them. 2009 was the sleeping Ox to me, as I got ready to bounce back.

Other than the few hiccups of these few years, I think I have been blessed in more ways than I can imagine. Over the new year, one great lady told me "If you fall and hurt yourself, you should rejoice and be very thankful you did not die. This is called purification. You have overcome your obstacle". Yes, I have always subscribe to this optimistic thinking in times of trouble. Take for example, it is like when some people frequently ask me (knowing I am a fervent believer of fengshui), "how do you know if it works?". I would always reply them, "Well, I don't know if applying fengshui concepts at a certain spot will enhance the fengshui and make me very rich, but at least the bad fengshui of that spot has been corrected, and did not harm me in any way worse than I can imagine. At least I didn't die".

In Buddhist context, whenever I encounter obstacles, I try to be grateful and like to think that I have overcome it. Otherwise, something much worse could have happened, so we called this purification of our negative karma. At least the negative karma ripened in a smaller way than a full-blown one.

I only have one resolution for 2010 and that is to have the Midas touch. Yes, I want everything I touch to turn to gold. Haha. That is, to make lots and lots of money. I have never value money as an important asset/goal in life as I am just the poor scholar type. But I have awakened (albeit quite late). Without money, we may not die, but we cannot survive. Money is important as it is then it can enable our other pursuits. With money, I can donate to the poor, I can improve my living standards, I can make my parents' lives better, I can go travelling. In other words, having the Midas touch will make at least 90% of all necessary resolutions to materialise. And I had better make sure I learn how to save.