Thursday, 7 November 2013

A teaching on relationships

Sharing the below teaching I read online. 

It seems that one of the most important issues in people's lives is love, especially romantic love. Finding the right partner, being accepted, feeling loved, sharing joy and sorrow, planning a future together - these are things which keep almost the entire human population on this planet busy - very busy.

Romantic love seems to be a particular intoxicating drug which is made by a strange mixture of emotions, hopes, fears and hormones. Some neuroscientists even say that the activities in the brain of people who are in love resemble that of drug addicts. Thus the range of intense experiences and feelings like euphoria, hyperactivity, longing and desire as well as lethargy, depression, sleep deprivation, loss of appetite etc., seem to be quite normal "side effects" of love.

It seems that people get completely overpowered by this kind of love and its side effects. Sometimes it makes people almost crazy with joy and sometimes it makes them almost unbearably sad. It makes people act very childish and behave like complete fools, no matter how educated or smart they actually are. Not only does it make people lose their heart but also their mind and brain as well.

Sometimes you might be able to win another person’s heart and thus think that now you have got everything you ever wished for. But then you might get cheated, betrayed or treated badly. And sometimes you get rejected right from the start and think that you'll never find joy again in your life. But the truth is: no matter with whom you fall in love, at the end there is always heartbreak. Sooner or later you have to part from your loved ones. It might come due to misunderstanding, quarrels, betrayal, death or simply impermanence and the change which we continuously undergo.

That does not mean that love and relationships are something bad which you have to avoid by all means. Affection and care for others is something very beautiful and a feeling we should nourish and try to extend, not only to those who are close to us but to as many beings as possible. The problems start when we get too attached and become obsessed with the objects of our desires. If our expectations, hopes and fears become so dominant that they start to completely control our lives, disappointment,frustration and suffering will naturally follow. Then, not only will we make ourselves suffer but also those who we actually want to see happy.

So you should try not to take relationships too seriously. Because, why should you make all your happiness and even your whole life dependent on something so maniacal and unstable?

Again, love and relationships are not by nature something negative. The way we deal with them decides whether they will be a cause for suffering or happiness. So if you're in a happy relationship, that's wonderful. However, be aware that it will not last forever. The result of all meeting is parting. So if you are attached then the result will be suffering.

For example, if out of ignorance a child touches a hot stove it will burn its hand and feel pain. But once you are aware of that, then you can avoid feeling that pain and suffering again. Similarly we can learn from past mistakes and turn previous suffering into a method of changing our attitude and habits. In this way we will gradually become stronger and wiser, or we can continue creating the same kind of suffering again and again like foolish children. It's in our hands if we are helplessly overpowered by our emotions or if we turn them into useful tools on our path. We can choose between foolishly placing our hands on the hot stove or using its power to cook a meal. The stove itself is neither good nor bad. Only the way we use it will decide.

So don't waste your time with quarrels and fighting, because you really never know how long you will be together with someone for. And if you're suffering from rejection or heartbreak, be aware that this won't last forever either. Don't waste your time crying and lamenting. Look ahead and be strong. You might fall in love again just the next day. And maybe another person will make you much happier.

So wipe away those tears and relax. And maybe you'll realize that no one can really make you happy if you don't find peace and happiness within yourself, in your mind.

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