Our own prisoner

My father is recuperating in the hospital. Hopefully his condition will show signs of improvement soon. It made me sad seeing him suffer in this way all of a sudden. It made me sad he is not able to celebrate the Chinese New Year with us this year (we didn't tell him it's CNY). It made me sad he is unable to enjoy doing the activities he loves in the past. Sometimes I think being sick and having to rely on loved ones and care givers for your survival is like being a prisoner devoid of freedom and peace.

Thanks to all friends and loved ones who showed concern, who offered help, who visited my father in the hospital, and also dharma friends who came to visit and prayed and made dedications for him, who arranged pujas for him. There are friends who surprised me by their attention, concern and kindness. 2013 and this new year period has shown me who are the ones who care and who are the ones who don't. This period made me realise I need to re-evaluate my friendship and relationship with friends, because life is too short for fair weather friends when there are many others who are genuinely sincere.

I just did an online quiz for fun on 'what career should you actually be in?' and I got 'humanitarian'. The results say I'm a 'giver and justice seeker' and that I just 'want what I'm doing to help others in some way.' Haha. I'm not sure about being a giver but I do tend to seek justice for people when things go awry and I do get frustrated when justice is not being addressed. Maybe it's time I find a new job revolving this area.... fight for the poor ones, fight for the sick, fight for the misunderstood, fight for justice. Haha.  I wonder how to find a job which enable me to be a humanitarian when I'm not rich and also helpless in many ways to help those who need help even more or how am I capable enough to be involved in genuine worthy causes. 

I do realise that whatever problem or hardship, suffering we encounter is the result of our past karma; what we have done in the past cause all the suffering we get now. Whether we are sick, whether we are jobless, whether we are poor, whether we are facing any problem/difficulty, they are all the consequence of what we have done in the past. We are the own prisoner of our actions. So when all these problems/obstacles ripen now, we should try to clear all past bad karma or help others clear their suffering. Only then they can start with a fresh slate in the present to create good causes for their future.