至少还有你

This is one of my old favourites. For all those of you who are feeling the blues and who have ever been touched by this song by 林忆莲.

我怕来不及我要抱着你,
直到感觉你的皱纹有了岁月的痕迹
直到肯定你是真的直到失去力气
为了你我愿意
动也不能动也要看着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里

我怕来不及我要抱着你
直到感觉你的发线有了白雪的痕迹
直到视线变得模糊直到不能呼吸
让我们形影不离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里

我们好不容易我们身不由已
我怕时间太快不够将你看仔细
我怕时间太慢日夜担心失去你恨不得一夜之间白头永不分离
如果全世界我也可以放弃
至少还有你值得我去珍惜
而你在这里就是生命的奇迹
也许全世界我也可以忘记就是不愿意失去你的消息
你掌心的痣我总记得在那里在那里

Letting go

Letting go is about feeling down when close friends misunderstood you and you think you should forget about even explaining. Letting go is when someone you dote on simply do not understand you and thus all you want to do is let go. Letting go is hard when someone dearest to you dies and you are left feeling bewildered and lonely. Letting go may be the only way to let someone carry on living without you. Letting go is hard when the feelings you feel are so strong yet there is nothing you can do except let go. Letting go of your heart is the most heart breaking when it's time to let go. Letting go of your job is not the hardest if the next job is unlike this one. Letting go of a situation without explaining is sometimes is the best solution for the situation. Letting go of someone's hand even though that someone needs you is sometimes the hardest. Letting go of all your woes does not make them disappear altogether. Letting go of your dreams is nothing akin to having no dreams at all. Letting go does not mean out of sight out of mind.

I feel remorse that as a Buddhist practitioner, I am still unable to let go of everything and anything. Whatever. Maybe that's why I am not a Buddha. Yet.

Rebirth

Venerable Thich Nguyen Tang said:

"To Buddhism, however, death is not the end of life, it is merely the end of the body we inhabit in this life, but our spirit will still remain and seek out through the need of attachment, attachment to a new body and new life. Where they will be born is a result of the past and the accumulation of positive and negative action, and the resultant karma (cause and effect) is a result of one's past actions.”

"So we can say that in Buddhism, life does not end, merely goes on in other forms that are the result of accumulated karma. Buddhism is a belief that emphasizes the impermanence of lives, including all those beyond the present life. With this in mind we should not fear death as it will lead to rebirth.”

Sweeties

This happened to be one of the 1001 pixs of my niece and little cousins taken few years back. They were such sweeties, such innocence and pure excitement shown on their grinning faces. Those were the times when I wish time would come to a stand still, that they will not grow up too fast.

Night solicitors

Whenever I pass by Geylang (the red light district) during weekends, it is sure to be jammed. All the lorongs and lanes and main roads are packed with many people - tourists, loads of foreign workers of various nationalities, and many "night solicitors". There were also sightings of bogus Thai monks. Cars often come to a snail pace, and that is when we can view the going-ons of this well-known trade in full action. The solicitors are dressed or rather skimpily dressed, in negotiations with potential clients for the night. I cant help but feel sad for them whenever I see this.

His Holiness Dalai Lama's award

On 17 Oct 2007, His Holiness the Dalai Lama received the Congressional Gold Medal, America's highest civilian honor, in a ceremony presented to him by President George Bush. The award is a special gold medal by Congress to His Holiness in recognition of his contributions to peace, non-violence, human rights, and religious understanding.

The award has a picture of His Holiness on one side and says on the other side,

"World peace must be developed from inner peace.

Peace is not the absence of violence.

Peace is the manifestation of human compassion."

Hugs from heaven

The past few days were like a nightmare for my dearest friend Veg and her hubby David, and for the rest of us. Her little baby Andrew left, just before he was supposed to see this world, before the many of us who were eagerly waiting for his arrival and who would love to see him. We sat outside the hospital ward, just waiting, as his mommy and daddy grieve inside. There was not many words we could say to express our concern, sadness and grief. Some of us could not contain our anguish. But anyhow, hopefully our little presence helped.

This morning we received a sms from David to all of us: "We have come to terms that Andrew has been part of God's plan from conception to death. We may not know why but we trust his heart. We will still grieve and weep but with assurance and comfort. Thanks for being by our side, the prayers, company, love and sacrifices. You have made this ordeal bearable. "

I really hope Veg will come to accept this harsh reality soon. Veg, I really hope you will be alright soon, my friend. Please remember that if you need a listening ear, I am always here for you. I found this poem from the internet. I am sure Andrew won't want you to be like this. He is in safe hands up there.

Sorry I didn't get to stay.

To laugh and run and play.

To be there by your side.

I'm sorry that I had to go.

God sent me down to be with you,

To make your loving heart anew.

To help you look up and see

Both God and little me.

Mommy, I wish I could stay

Just like I heard you pray.

But, all the angels did cry

When they told little me goodbye.

God didn't take me cause He's mad.

He didn't send me to make you sad.

But to give us both a chance to be

A love so precious .. don't you see?

Up here no trouble do I see

And the pretty angels sing to me.

The streets of gold is where I play

You'll come here too, mommy, someday.

Until the day you join me here

I'll love you mommy, dear.

Each breeze you feel and see,

Brings love and a kiss from me.

Pat's pair

Patricia Mok showed in her blog that she personalised a pair of Havaianas slippers with her name. She got them from NewUrbanMale. But I was thinking.... Pat O Pat .... why would you wanna wear your name at your feet? I abit pan tan (superstitious) lah ...

Cundi Bodhisattva

I found the Maha Cundi Dharani Sutra - The Heart of The Mother of 70 billion Buddhas - by chance and I found it so unbelievable that it's that unbelievably easy for us layman to clear our negative karma if we set our hearts to it.

Maha Cundi Bodhisattva is known as the mother of Buddhas, also is one form of Avalokitesvara (Guan Yin). She is the seated figure with 18 arms, various Dharma implements she holds represent the many skillful means of Tantra. In Tibetan Vajrayana, Maha Cundi is less well known, and many Tibetan rinpoches have not heard of her, she is more well known in Chinese and Japanese Vajrayana. Here are some excerpts of this Sutra.

Out of great compassion for them, the Buddha decided to expound on the Dharani of Cundi, the heart of the mother of seven kotis of buddhas. Thus, the Buddha revealed the mantra:

Namo Saptanam Samyaksam Buddha Kotinam, Tayatha Om Cale, Cule, Cundi Soha

If any bhiksu(monk), bhisuni(nun), upasaka(layman), or upasika(laywoman) upholds and recites this dharani 800,000 times, all his or her deadly karmic transgressions created since beginningless time shall be eliminated. The individual shall earn the opportunity to meet all buddhas and bodhisattvas wherever he or she is born, and shall be endowed with all accumulations of merit as the individual wishes. The individual shall gain the opportunity to renounce worldly existence in every lifetime, maintaining all the precepts and vows of a bodhisattva. The individual will always be born in the human and heavenly realms and avoid encountering rebirth in the evil paths, and will always be protected by heavenly beings.

If any layperson should uphold and recite this dharani or mantra, his or her household shall be free from affliction and harm of calamity and illness. Everything the person does shall be auspicious; his or her words shall gain the trust and acceptance of others. If one completes a recitation of this mantra 200,000 times, he will dream of the buddhas, bodhisattvas, pratyekabuddhas and sravakas, and see a black substance being vomited out of one's mouth.

Should an individual commit a heavy karmic transgression, upon reciting the mantra 200,000 times he or she shall dream of the buddhas and bodhisattvas and will also, in his or her dreams, vomit a black substance.

If the individual has committed one of the five deadly transgressions, and is unable to receive this auspicious dream, it is advisable that he or she recite the mantra 700,000 times. After this, the individual shall receive the auspicious dream and signs. When the individual dreams of vomiting a white substance such as a thick paste of rice, it clearly indicates that he or she has gained the pure sign of karmic purification.

Angel

This is a favourite pix of my niece and nephew taken years ago when nephew was born. My niece was so pretty with curly hair, she looked like an angelic Eurasian girl with chubby cheeks and big innocent eyes.

Forlorn city

This view was taken from my office. Today at about 2pm in the afternoon the clouds suddenly gathered and darkened in fastened pace. The buildings around were engulfed in forlorn darkness as the winds blew the impending clouds ferociously. Then within minutes, rain poured and thunder and lightning struck. The ships and containers docked ashore looked like dinosaurs invading the island. Somehow, it reminded me of the American movie, Independence Day. It reminded me of 911, the twin towers, the tsunami and whatever bad that came with those.

Thai basil rice set

I like this Thai basil rice set - which comprises of chopped pork fried with onions and chilli which is very spicy, with an egg, cucumbers and white rice. Accompanying it is the Tomyum soup and papaya salad. This is from the stall at the newly opened food court in Bugis Junction.

Sunday naan

Sunday brunch I had Naan with curry chicken, dhal, and potatos and stir fried ladies fingers and cauliflower. Yummy. This stall is at the food center next to Allson Hotel, Victoria Street.

Finally

11 October was also the day I finally signed for my new house, after more than one month of frenzy anxiety in searching and researching for a good unit. Of course the best units have been taken by the time it was my turn to choose. But I think I was still lucky enough to find the unit which was not blocked by anything, which did not get the West afternoon sun, which is more quiet than the other blocks and very convenient. And I was lucky to get at least a 6th storey unit and not lower, and considering I was the second last Chinese to be able to get an unit in that particular block, I was really lucky. The other remaining blocks would be facing the afternoon sun which is very hot. My new house faces the East which enjoys the morning sun and is cool and windy throughout the day. Although MRT is conveniently located near my house, the train was hardly a murmer when it wheezes by. My family was very excited and relieved and now cant wait to take our keys and move in! And we got our house on the lunar date - 1st day of the 9th lunar month. Very auspicious.

Happy Birthday!

11 October was nephew's 6th birthday. We had dinner at Swensens as it's one of his favourites. He got to eat his favourite free birthday ice cream. This year I gave him Ryukendo toy which he requested as well as the huge weapon of Ryukendo, which is new in the market. Also gave a pair him a Ben Ten pyjamas. I also gave niece a Winx Club diary. As always I believe one kid should have a small pressie even though the other kid is having the birthday.

Just caution

God, I just watched the movie by Lee Ang, "Lust,Caution". Yes Singapore (unfortunately again) got the NC16 version which means about 10 minutes of erotic sex scenes were cut so that those above 16!!! are safe to watch.

In WWII-era Shanghai, Wong Chia Chi (Tang Wei) is a Chinese college student who gets involved with a drama club after meeting Kuang Yu Min (Want Lee Hom), a charismatic fellow classmate. While Wong is happy performing on the stage, Kuang asks her to take on a very dangerous role in real life. She is to transform herself into Mrs. Mak and make friends with the wife (Joan Chen) of a major Japanese collaborator, Mr. Yee (Tony Leung), only to ensnare him into an affair so that her Kuang and his cohorts can kill him. However, the plan fails to work out at the time, but after several years pass, Kuang re-enters Wong's life, whereupon he asks her to resume their deadly mission.

I happened to think that 3 particular so called sex scenes are so very crucial to the emotions and angst portrayed by the characters. But all were CUT. I feel Tang Wei and Tony Leung, the lovers, gave an average performance, Tang with her intense enigmatic pouting and Tony with his piercing roving eyes. And why was Joan Chen casted as Tony's wife, too old looking. The worst was Wang Lee Hom, with his ABC accented mandarin, and stony acting. His casting is a bit salah (wrong), as Lee Hom is such a clean cut pretty boy, how to act as a rugged rebel? Lee Ang should have casted Edison Chen or Chang Chen instead.

After Brokeback Mountain, Lee Ang did not throw caution to the wind with "Lust,Caution" story line, literally speaking. Yawn.

Seeing things

I heard His Eminence Lati Rinpoche is coming to town next week! Yippee! I am so happy because at this period of time when I am experiencing the worst in my life, I will be so looking forward to see him, a great living buddha.

While conducting a fire puja the last time, one devotee who can "see things" said the enlightened state of Lati Rinpoche was unbelievable. During the fire puja, he saw the whole body of Lati Rinpoche emanating a bright light throughout the puja. He was also the one who gave my godbro and myself the Buddha Shakyamuni initiation. After that, my godbro was told by his yoga master who can "see things" the next day that he could see Buddha Shakyamuni behind my godbro. That story was posted earlier.

Sigh!!!

Today was a weird day. I woke up and my left eye lid was twitching so badly the whole day. Yes that tiny area under my eye was actually twitching vehemently, as if something is gonna happen, which I felt was more bad than good. I tried very hard not to be superstitious (left eye twitching doesnt foretell good news).

I went to an ATM to withdraw some cash. Somehow I forgot the password, and after the 3rd attempt, the machine ate my card up. So I made my way to the bank to ask for the return of the card and a new pin. They said the earliest I could get it was the next day. So cashless, I proceeded to another ATM from another bank. After a long queue, the machine became spoilt when it was my turn. Cursing under my breath, I walked a distance before I found another machine. This machine ran out of cash. Finally I got cash from yet another machine and proceeded to make deposit cash to pay a bill. The stupid machine could not recognise one of my dollar notes for quite a few tries. Finally I finished my chore, and it rained heavily. So I was stuck, with no umbrella and couldn't get back to office, and without lunch some more. At that moment, I couldn't help but wonder are the heavens crying for me or with me??

Spiritual vibes

Buddha is the cool moon;

Crossing the sky of utter emptiness.

The lake of the mind of beings quietens,

The moon reflects beautifully in it.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

和你一样

Miss Piggy introed this nice song with nice lyrics to me 和你一样 by singer 李宇春. This song can make me tear. This painting is my all time favourite - The Kiss - by Gustav Klimt. Thought this pix suits the mood of this song.

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长我在你身旁
见证你成长让我感到充满力量
谁能忘记过去一路走来陪你受的伤
谁能预料未来茫茫漫长你在何方
笑容在脸上和你一样
大声唱为自己鼓掌

我和你一样一样的坚强
一样的全力以赴追逐我的梦想
哪怕会受伤哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有迷人芬芳

我和你一样一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长我在你身旁
见证你成长让我感到充满力量
谁能忘记过去一路走来陪你受的伤
谁能预料未来茫茫漫长你在何方
笑容在脸上和你一样
大声唱为自己鼓掌

我和你一样一样的坚强
一样的全力以赴追逐我的梦想
哪怕会受伤哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有迷人芬芳

我和你一样一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量

我们都一样一样的坚强
一样的青春焕发金黄色的光芒
哪怕会受伤哪怕有风浪
风雨之后才会有彩色阳光

我们都一样一样的善良
一样为需要的人打造一个天堂
歌声是翅膀唱出了希望
所有的付出只因爱的力量
和你一样
我们都一样

谁在最需要的时候轻轻拍着我肩膀
谁在最快乐的时候愿意和我分享
日子那么长我在你身旁
见证你成长
永远为你鼓掌

Toa Payoh nasi lemak

Few weeks ago, I tried the nasi lemak in a coffeeshop stall in Toa Payoh, it was not bad and they were "on TV" before, having been graced by celebrities. It is operated by a few Chinese. The combination I chose was fried chicken wings (very juicy), otah, luncheon meat, cabbage, ikan bilis, cucumber and of course not forgetting the sweet chilli sauce synonymous with nasi lemak. This is a another local dish which many Singaporeans love.

糯米饭好吃

I have an unabashed craving for our local glutinous rice 糯米饭 on and off. This snack can be eaten during breakfast, or lunch or anytime you like. When the craving strikes, I like to eat the fine smooth glutinous rice which is mixed with nuts, with generous toppings of fried garlic, hay bee (dried shrimps) and sometimes tiny strips of mushrooms. It's a simpler version of the bak chang (rice dumpling wrapped in leaves).

The unbelievable sun of being

The weather in Singapore nowadays is so crazy, absolutely hot till I also melted. So when I saw two Caucasian gentleman sitting in a small hardly-a-park, in the central business district, munching their sandwiches for lunch, under the blazing sun, I did stared unbelievably at them for a bit. For me, I am just dying to hide inside my cool air-con office the whole day, if not for the sake of filling my stomach.

Road blocked

"When faced with a challenge, look for a way, not a way out."

-- David L. Weatherford